Mailbox - 1106 Sweet Cream Street

[pythianjudgment]

Comments

Stuck to the base of her tree with a rock when Terezi is not there

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

[pythianjudgment]

[Totally going to fold this up and keep it with her things forever. Maybe hang it on her fridge when she's less sensitive about it. For now, though, it's getting added to her personal treasure pile.]

Crammed into her Mailbox

[truthmayvary]

[There is a package in the mailbox, it looks like it was wrapped very badly, some of the teal paper torn and a red hair tie using to keep it together. A bright red tail is sticking out. Attached is a note.]

SALESMAN CHOCOCHERRY HAS A CASE TO PRESENT TO THE PROSECUTION.

[pythianjudgment]

[A few days later, Terezi confronts the poor mailsloth with a letter. It has "Warren. Wagon. On the road." written on the front of it, just as instructed. She all but shoves it into the sloth's satchel and tells it to make sure the letter gets to him. It reads:]

TH3 PROS3CUT1ON R3QU3STS 4 WORD W1TH MR CHOCOCHERRY! TH3 4MB4SS4DOR H3 S3NT 1N H1S PL4C3 WH1L3 B31NG 1NCR3D1BLY CUT3 1S 4LSO NOT 4N 4D3QU4T3 SUBST1TUT1ON!!!

TH3 PROS3CUT1ON R3QU3STS TH4T MR CHOCOCH3RRY R3PORT B4CK TO TH3 SH1TTY V1LL4G3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF NOWH3R3 4S SOON 4S POSS1BL3
1N TH3 M34NT1M3 CHOCOCH3RRY JR H4S T4K3N UP TH3 H4B1T OF S3LL1NG MYST3R1OUSLY 4CQU1R3D 4ND Y3T MUCH N33D3D ROP3 TO TH3 PROS3CUT1ON H3H3H3 H3 CL41MS TH4T H3 JUST F1NDS 1T LY1NG 4ROUND BUT TH3 PROS3CUT1ON SUSP3CTS TH4T 1T 1S NOT TH3 ONLY LY1NG GO1NG ON >;]


BUT S3R1OUSLY YOU SHOULD COM3 B4CK SOON >:[ 1T 1S NOT 3V3N CLOS3 TO B31NG 4S FUN W1THOUT YOU!

1T ST4RT3D TO SNOW 4 F3W D4YS 4GO 4ND BY ST4RT3D TO SNOW 1 M34N 1T DUMP3D FROM TH3 SKY L1K3 1T W4S 4 SH1TTY R4C3 TO TH3 GROUND 4ND 3V3RYON3 W4NT3D TO W1N 4T ONC3 >:? 1 THOUGHT MY TR33H1V3 W4S GO1NG TO C4V3 1N! 1 H4D TO CL1MB UP ONTO TH3 ROOF 4ND BRUSH 1T OFF SO 1T D1DNT COLLAPSE FROM THE WEIGHT!

W3 H4D 4 P4RTY TOO! 4 M4G1C4L SPONT4N3OUS HOL1D4Y P4RTY OF TH3 WH3R3 TH3 H3LL D1D TH1S COM3 FROM V4R13TY >:] TH3R3 W4S 4 LOT OF FOOD TH4T 1 H4V3NT H4D 1N 4 R34LLY LONG T1M3 4ND TH3N 4 W3NT 4ND M4D3 SNOWM3N 1N TH3 M34DOW >:P 1F YOU DON'T HURRY B4CK SOON 1 4M GO1NG TO M4K3 4 SNOW W4RR3N 4ND 4 SNOW W4GON 4ND TH3N YOUR SPOT W1LL B3 T4K3N UP H3H3H3H3H3
OH 4ND 1 GOT 4 DR3SS! TH4T W4S K1ND OF W31RD 4CTU4LLY >:? 1 W4SNT 3XP3CT1NG TO G3T 4NYTH1NG N1C3 4FT3R M3 4ND SOLLUX SCR1BBL3D D1CKS 4ND DR4GONS ONTO TH3 BULL3T1N BO4RD >:] YOU C4N GU3SS WH1CH ON3 1 W4S DR4W1NG! (H1NT!!! 1T 1S TH3 B3TT3R OF TH3 TWO 4ND 1T 1S 4LSO NOT D1CKS) 1 GU3SS "DR4W1NG" ON OUR "HOUS3S" W4S """PUN1SHM3NT""" 3NOUGH H4H4H4H4 >:] 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S CUT3 >;] B4BYS F1RST GR4FF1T1 1M GO1NG TO M4K3 4N 4RT1ST OUT OF TH1S TH1NG Y3T

SP34K1NG OF TH1NGS! NO ON3 KNOWS WH4T TO C4LL 1T >:? TH3Y K33P WR1T1NG LONG L3TT3RS 4SK1NG FOR 1TS N4M3 OR TH3 N4M3 OF TH1S PL4C3 OR.........4NY 1NFORM4T1ON 4T 4LL R34LLY! 1TS K1ND4 S4D HOW TH3Y R3FUS3 TO G1V3 UP >:/ TH3Y W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH4T DUR1NG TH3 M33T1NG TOO! YOU KNOW TH3 ON3 TH4T W3 H4D WH1L3 YOU W3R3 H3R3 4ND 3V3RYON3 W4S DUMB J3RKS >:/ OK4Y NOT 3V3RYON3 BUT 4LMOST 3V3RYON3! TH3 PO1NT 1S TH3Y 4R3 G3TT1NG NOWH3R3 F4ST >:[ 1F TH3Y DONT F1GUR3 OUT SOMETH1NG F4ST 1M GO1NG TO M4K3 MY OWN V1LL4G3 N4M3 4ND T4CK 1T ONTO SOM3TH1NG 4ND TH3N 3V3RYON3 W1LL JUST H4V3 TO D34L W1TH 1T!!! >B]

4NYW4Y!!! 1 F1N1SH3D YOUR PR3S3NT BUT 1M NOT GO1NG TO S3ND 1T TO YOU >:P YOU H4V3 TO COM3 B4CK TO G3T 1T! TH3MS TH3 BR34KS!!! W3 H4V3NT H4D 4NY OTH3R V1S1TORS B3S1D3S YOU BUT 4 F3W MOR3 M1SCR34NTS H4V3 ROLL3D 1NTO TOWN! 1TS ST4RT1NG TO G3T 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 L1V3LY 4ROUND H3R3 >;] W3 4LMOST C4N'T GO 4 WHOL3 W33K W1THOUT SOM3ON3 SCR34M1NG TH31R H34D OFF 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG.

3H3H3 C4S3 1N PO1NT!!!! MY MO1R41LS F4K3 LUSUS GOT H1MS3LF TURN3D 1NTO 4 C4T SOM3HOW >8D 1M NOT SUR3 ON TH3 D3T41LS BUT 1TS 4 R1OT
H3 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO M4D3 4LL TH3 FOOD 1 BROUGHT YOU

1 TH1NK TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 4BOUT 4 B4THTUB BUT 1 W4SNT P4Y1NG 4 LOT OF 4TT3NT1ON >:? P3OPL3 4R3 K1ND4 W31RD 4OUND H3R3 1 HOP3 TH3R3 1SNT SOM3TH1NG 1N TH3 W4T3R!

1M GO1NG TO GO FOR NOW! 1 W1LL WR1T3 YOU 4G41N 4S SOON 4S MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG STUFF H4PP3NS >:] OR 1F 1 DR4W YOU SOM3 P1CTUR3S WH1CH YOU TOT4LLY DONT D3S3RV3!!!!! B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 NOT 3V3N H3R3 TO 4CC3PT TH3M GR4C1OUSLY >:[

L3T M3 KNOW WH3N YOUR3 ON YOUR W4Y B4CK OK4Y?
DONT RUN 1NTO 4NYTH1NG TOO D4NG3ROUS OUT TH3R3 >:[

-T3R3ZI PYROP3

[godsword]

[Shortly after Terezi posts her announcement to the bulletin board, a letter is deposited in her mailbox - the paper is folded on itself twice and sealed with a blot of wax that bears no mark or stamp, and the writing is careful and precise, if somewhat spidery. Murai delivers the letter herself, but she doesn't hang around after placing it in the mailbox.]

To the Honored Terezi Pyrope, greetings.

Your recent attempt to impress a code of law upon our community has caught my attention. I believe your intentions are laudable and your enthusiasm admirable. We do, indeed, need to establish what behaviors are acceptable before problems arise. Your methods, however, are somewhat clumsy and likely to gain you more enemies than allies.

If you would have my council, I would be glad to give it. Perhaps we might meet in person to discuss matters?

If you do not wish to speak with me, I fully understand, but must ask that you know that if I cannot rely on your cooperation and it comes to it that I must exercise my own best judgement, neither can you rely on mine.

I hope that we may work together, for the good of the community. May justice and peace walk with you, by Heaven's will.

Murai, agent of the Order of the Veil

[pythianjudgment]

[About half a day later, a response is placed in Murai's mailbox and the little red flag is flipped up in salute.]

TO MUR41
4G3NT OF TH3 ORD3R OF TH3 V31L
3TC 3TC 3TC

H3LLO >:]

L3T M3 B3G1N BY 4SSUR1NG YOU TH4T 1 H4D NO 1NT3NT1ONS OF M4K1NG 4LL13S OR 3N3M13S OR P3RM4N3NT RUL3S OF 4NY SORT
NOT Y3T 4NYW4Y
1 JUST W4NT3D TO T4ST3 TH3 OBJ3CT1ONS TO 4 F3W V3RY B4S1C L3G4L D3CR33S
TH3 WHO 4ND TH3 WH3R3 4ND TH3 WHY
1T 1S 4LW4YS GOOD TO KNOW 1F SOM3ON3 OBJ3CTS TO TH3 M3THOD OF TH3 L4W TH3 WORD1NG OF TH3 L4W OR TH3 1D34 OF L4W 1TS3LF
4ND WHO 1S W1LL1NG TO ST3P UP TO F1X TH1NGS OF COURS3

TH4NK YOU FOR 3SS3NT14LLY 4NSW3R1NG MY 4D >:]

1 WOULD B3 MOR3 TH4N H4PPY TO D1SCUSS W1TH YOU TH3 FORM4T1ON OF MY COMM1TT33
OF WH1CH 1 W4S COMPL3T3LY S3R1OUS 4BOUT!
TH3R3 1S NO N33D TO M4K3 SUBTL3 THR34TS
W3 4R3 4LL FR13NDS H3R3
R1GHT?

M33T M3 BY MY TR33 4ND W3 W1LL T4LK

T3R3Z1 PYROP3

[psionichax0r]

Delivered by a mildly-confused bee! Why are you not in your assigned house, TZ?

[preuxchevalier]

[The missive looks more like a telegram than a letter. Probably as it was dictated and meant to be as such. It's written in the bee language.]

To Terezi Pyrope.
Tree House.
Edge of Forest.

Do you have holding cell for criminals as part of legal board activities? Or pit in which to chuck them? Devoid of light necessary.

Wooster.

In return, writen by a mildly-confused Terezi...

[pythianjudgment]

WOOST3R

NOT 4S OF Y3T >:?

4R3 YOU *4SK1NG* M3 TO THROW YOU 1N 4 P1T?
1 DONT UND3RST4ND WH4T 1S GO1NG ON W1TH YOU

T3R3Z1

[preuxchevalier]

To Terezi Pyrope.
Tree House.
Edge of Forest.

Turned Ienzo into a vampire - 'rainbow drinker'. Want to kill people or eat them. Can't control it properly. Don't want to hurt anyone else. Wishing pond not working.

Wooster.

[pythianjudgment]

1NCR3S1NGLY FRUSTR4T1NG WOOST3R

D3SP1T3 TH3 R34LLY STR4NG3 4ND ODDLY (BUT B3L4T3DLY) R3SPONS1BL3 N4TUR3 OF YOUR R3QU3ST
1 DONT H4V3 4NYWH3R3 TO PUT YOU

1 C4NNOT JUST M4G1C 4 J41L 1NTO 3X1ST3NC3
TH3 W1SH1NG W3LL 1S NOT WORK1NG FOR M3 31TH3R
4ND 1 C4NT BU1LD SOM3TH1NG TH4T F4ST BY H4ND

WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO W1TH YOU >:?

T3R3Z1

[preuxchevalier]

To Terezi Pyrope.
Tree House.
Edge of Forest.

You're the law. Aren't you meant to figure these things out? What were you planning to do with other miscreants?

Wooster.

[pythianjudgment]

WOOST3R

SO NOW YOUR3 4CKNOWL3DG1NG TH4T 1M TH3 L4W?
WH4T H4PP3N3D TO
T3R3Z1 PYROP3 1S 4 S1LLY MONST3R G1RL WHO K1LLS 3V3RYON3

M4YB3 1 SHOULD JUST L3T YOU ROT OUT 1N TH3 SUN FOR GOOD M34SUR3 >:[


M33T M3 4T 1106 CR34M STR33T WH3N YOU C4N

T3R3Z1

[Delivered 5/10] (wow much late very backdated)

[scruffy_mcjackass]

[In response to her letter about Kelt, left in Dustin's mailbox earlier in the day: ]

Kelt deserves jack shit.

She sat on her ass while the rest of us were going insane and angrily knit a blanket. Yes, she answered basic questions about what the fuck was going on, but when her resources could have been better spent actually going to their little god house and kicking Pai in his tight spoiled ass--knowing that he was responsible and yet refusing to go to a place where she could do something about it--makes her about the shittiest temporary overseer out of the lot.

If you want to give her a bunch of stupid gold stars for putting as little effort into our well-being as possible, then that's your prerogative. But don't pretend that the rest of us will lower ourselves to your level if you leave a bunch of notes lying around to pander to them.

--Dustin

Re: [Delivered 5/10] (wow much late very backdated)

[pythianjudgment]

CONGR4TUL4T1ONS ON B31NG 4N 1D1OT!
K3LT S4V3D G4MZ33S L1F3
K3LT STOPP3D M3 FROM MURD3R1NG 4T L34ST TWO 1NNOC3NT CR34TUR3S
K3LT H4S B33N H3R3 TRY1NG TO H3LP US 4S MUCH 4S SH3 1S C4P4BL3 OF DO1NG ON H3R OWN
JUST B3C4US3 SH3 COULDNT STOP 3V3RY L1TTL3 TH1NG DO3SNT M34N TH4T SH3 D1D NOT TRY OR TH4T SH3 DO3S NOT D3S3RV3 TO B3 TH4NK3D

1F SH3 H4D L3FT TO K1CK TH4T BR4TTY CH1LDS 4SS TH3N WH4T DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK WOULD H4V3 B33N L3FT TO COM3 B4CK TO???

YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 B31NG 4 P3TUL4NT WR1GGL3R 4BOUT TH1S
SO 3NJOY YOUR SH1TTY T4NTRUM 4S USU4L!

--T3R3Z1

[scruffy_mcjackass]

If she left as soon as she knew what was happening--which was pretty damn early in the month, by my calculations--and stuck Pai in a corner like the reasonable adult she pretends to be, Kelt could have saved us from more than half a month's suffering. There were other people who died because of a trivial issue that she was perfectly capable of solving, but chose not to, because she wanted to see what Zephyr would do about it. And apparently, Zephyr chose to be sick, because no fucking shit, Zephyr was bedridden and actually couldn't do anything about it. It didn't have a choice, but she did. Am I the only person who sees how much of a bullshit double-standard this is?

So not only does Kelt only care about her fellow species while the rest of us are systematically murdering one another, but she's shitty at that job, too. Pat her on the back for putting on a brave face the first day and stopping you from slaughtering a couple of animals and one whole other resident. Obviously those were the only shits she had the capacity to give.

[pythianjudgment]

D1D YOU 3V3R CONS1D3R TH4T TH1S 1SNT H3R L4ND TO FUCK 4ROUND W1TH?
DO YOU KNOW HOW D1FF1CULT 1T 1S TO 4SS3RT YOUR 4UTHOR1TY ON SOM3ON3 3LS3S WORLD?
DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTR4T1NG 1T 1S TO H4V3 YOU H4NDS T13D WH3N YOU C4NT?
SURPR1S3 SUPR1S3 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 SOM3 3XP3R13NC3 W1TH TH4T
4ND SOMEHOW 1 DONT TH1NK YOU DO!

TH3R3 4R3 4LW4YS RUL3S FOR TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG
4ND NON3 OF TH3M 4R3 4S 4LL POW3RFUL 4S YOU S33M TO TH1NK TH3Y 4R3
1T 1S NOT 4S S1MPL3 4S K1CK1NG TH3 PROBL3M 1N TH3 P4NTS
UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO ST4RT 4N 4LL OUT W4R
OR R3DUC3 TH3 V1LL4G3 TO RUBBL3
OR P3RM3N4NTLY CR1PPL3 Z3PHYRS 4B1L1TY TO PROT3CT TH1S PL4C3
4ND THOS3 4R3 JUST 4 F3W POSS1BL3 CONS3QU3NC3S OFF TH3 TOP OF MY H34D!

SO YOU C4N FUCK R1GHT OFF 4ND B3 4 SH1TST41N SOM3WH3R3 3LS3
W3 DONT N33D YOUR 1GNOR4NT S3LFC3NT3R3D PO1NT OF V13W
TH3R3 4R3 3NOUGH OF US H3R3 TO 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T D1D WH4T SH3 COULD FOR US

[scruffy_mcjackass]

Of course this isn't her land to fuck with. It wasn't Pai's, either, but that didn't stop him from shitting all over us. I know that she doesn't have that kind of power--which is why I never suggested it, idiot. What I'm suggesting--and what I suggested to her, and she refused to take advantage of--is that she handle the little bastard in a place where they're on equal footing, outside of our universe. Of course Pai had more power than she and Warren do here, as does Zephyr; so why the fuck not take care of the problem where she's capable of actually doing something about it, instead of hanging around here and scratching the backs of a few people who she knows will scratch hers in return?

Oh, wait, I think I've answered my own question. Enjoy your little basket-making party, troll. I'm sure your outstanding ability to suck up to the marginally powerful will get you very far in this village. Maybe Kelt and Warren will make you your own collar and leash if you keep it up.

[pythianjudgment]

FUCK OFF 4BOUT TH4T
YOU H4V3 NO R1GHT 4ND DONT YOU D4R3 S4Y SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T TO M3 4G41N


YOU C4N COMPL41N 4BOUT TH1S 4S MUCH 4S YOU W4NT
BUT YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW 1F 4NYTH1NG YOUR3 S4Y1NG 1S POSS1BL3
YOU KNOW L1T3R4LLY NOTH1NG 4BOUT HOW TH1S WORLD WORKS
YOU 4R3 4 JUDGM3NT4L SH1T 4ND YOU C4N K33P B31NG CR4NKY OV3R TH1NGS YOU W1LL N3V3R F1ND 4N 4CC3PT4BL3 4NSW3R TO
B3C4US3 NOTH1NG 1S 3V3R GO1NG TO B3 GOOD 3NOUGH FOR YOUR STUP1D KNOW 1T 4LL 4SS3RY!

K3LT 1S 4 H3RO
4ND YOU 4R3 N3V3R GO1NG TO UND3RST4ND WHY
SO D34L W1TH 1T 4SSHOL3 >:[

[scruffy_mcjackass]

Kelt is a hero to the people she selects who are worthy enough of her superior judgement and attention. I have the safety of the majority in mind, and I always have.

Choose your priorities wisely.

[pythianjudgment]

1 H4V3

M4YB3 1F YOU W3R3NT SO BUSY 4SSUM1NG TH3 WORST OF H3R
M4YB3 1F YOU W3R3NT SO BUSY 4SSUM1NG TH4T YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO KNOWS HOW TO PROT3CT P3OPL3
YOU WOULD B3 4BL3 TO S33 TH4T

Delivered the Morning of August 24th

[thelostmods]

[Terezi will find the following threatening letter in the mailbox should it be checked.]

Now hear this:

On this day, the 24th of August by your human accounting, we have captured the most despicable Mailsloth. The League of Legislacerators wish it to be known that they have no name for this contemptible criminal. Never have we heard of such disrepute! A vagabond without a name!

Might those who wonder at her crimes be informed that she stands accused as such:

1. Excessive sloth
2. Dereliction of duty
3. Marauding about without any purpose
4. Egregious misuse of a Mailsloth’s hat

If you want to have her back
Better be quick and find the sack
She kept the letters and mail in
Even when they were getting thin.

Go to the east where the bridge overthrows
The river you’ve forded or watched as it goes.
Beneath the trellis, tucked up really tight,
You’ll find the bag there, so use all your might.
It’s more than a one-person job you will find.
So, take on a partner, or two, six, or nine!

- The Wholly Legal and Within Their Rights League of Legislacerators

Morning of November the Sixteenth

[psycheslantern]

[Waspfire hand-delivers the letter herself. Well, in a manner of speaking. She kind of just telekinetically chucks the letter into the mailbox as she goes past, and she certainly doesn't stick around to see if there's a reply.]

()k s()

That g()t way ()ut ()f hand way quick because I'm a little t()() pr()ne t() read things int() shit and I was already feeling kind ()f jumpy and I'm s()rry ab()ut that

It's m()stly just that I really d()n't want s()me ()f the aliens ar()und here getting the impressi()n that the new name is ()pen t() debate ()r neg()tiati()n, ()k? Bertie's a quadrant ()f a quadrant t() me and usually I get al()ng with him ()k but getting him t() take things seri()usly is like surgically extracting dental pr()trusi()ns s()metimes

I was ready t() answer questi()ns fr()m n()n-tr()lls but I didn't expect t() get ()ther Alternians chiming in because I kind ()f expected the rest ()f y()u w()uld understand what was happening and I'm n()t always terribly g()()d at reading y()u, pers()nally

S()rry

-Psymagus Waspfire

Sometime later that afternoon

[pythianjudgment]

[It takes her a while to sort out her feelings on the matter, especially after checking her mailbox and finding the letter inside. For a few hours, she's not sure what to do with it. Finally, she manages to pen something back:]

1 4M SORRY TOO
1 W4S NOT TRY1NG TO UND3RM1N3 YOUR TR4NS1T1ON
1 D1D NOT 3V3N T4K3 B3RT13S W1LLFUL 1GNOR4NC3 1NTO CONS1D3R4T1ON
OR 4NYON3 3LS3S FOR TH4T M4TT3R

1T H4S B33N 4 LONG T1M3 S1NC3 1 H4V3 H4D 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH 4LT3RN14
1F 1 3V3R D1

[She scribbles that part out before she even finishes and keeps going.]

1T 1S W31RD TO H4V3 TO R3M3MB3R HOW TH1S STUFF WORKS 4FT3R SO LONG
1 D1D NOT H4V3 4 LUSUS GROW1NG UP 4ND 1 H4V3 N3V3R KNOWN 4NYON3 WHO CL41M3D 4 T1TL3 B3FOR3
1 THOUGHT TH4T TH3 L3V3L OF FORM4L1TY M1GHT V4RY D3P3ND1NG ON TH3 TROLL
1 D1D NOT KNOW YOU W3LL 3NOUGH TO KNOW HOW STR1CT YOU W4NT3D TO B3 W1TH TH1S

1 DONT 1NT3ND TO T4K3 4 T1TL3 FOR MYS3LF
1 DO NOT C4R3 3NOUGH TO 4DH3R3 TO TH4T TR4D1T1ON
BUT TH4T DO3S NOT M4K3 M3 4 W1GGL3R S1MPLY B3C4US3 1 DONT H4V3 ON3
1F YOU DO NOT 1NS1NU4T3 4S MUCH 4G41N
TH3N PSYM4GUS W4SPF1R3 W1LL H4V3 NO PROBL3MS FROM M3

-T3R3Z1 PYROP3

[subtleserenity]

[Following on this post it on the bulletin board, Terezi will receive a short letter.]

I know you're playing with Zhǐ Rén, but I won't joke about writing in him without his permission. That's what the Keeper used him for.

-Zoe